strange life

Okay, so now I'm a fully fledged rookie firefighter and so far I am still trying to get used to the change.

Many people thinks we just sit in the fire station waiting for an emergency to happen and only then we spring into action. Unfortunately this is a common misunderstanding. Our entire day is regimented. We have a packed schedule for the entire 24 hrs of duty. We check and maintain the equipments, train in the morning, clean up the place, go to the gym, have night lectures...

It's pretty stressful if you ask me especially when you are new. It's even more stressful when your seniors leave you alone to become 'independent' when you know nothing and needed some guidance! And summore, being a sergeant, you need to gain your firefighter's respect. And I am yet to gain their respect enough to listen to my instructions if I need their help on the fire ground. So far, the opposite is happening! At the end of my last duty, they splashed soap water while I was bathing in my cubicle. I hope it's just a welcoming gesture rather than them not liking me. *gulp*

However, being at work and around people is still pretty okay to me. Worse is when I am off duty and return to my grandparents' place. You see, although there are people there, the place is dreary, empty. Half of the time, there isn't even food (it's a mystery how the people there sustain themselves) and I will have to make something to nourish myself. Although I must say that my pay is prolly more than enough to allow me to eat out on every off duty day, I need to save money for my university expenses.

I try to revise my A Levels stuff during my off days. However, it's really dull and the fact that many of my exclassmates in secondary school are now learning all sorts of new and advanced stuff keep shouting at the back of my head decimates my motivation.

I don't have many friends in Singapore. In fact, I don't think I have anyone close there at all. I lie down on the bed sheet (ah yes, I don't even have a bed on my own there, I sleep on the carpet, covered with a bed sheet. My grandfather don't like me sleeping on th couch. He thinks that it will destroy his sofa) during the warm, humid nights, scrolling though my contacts on my phone wondering who can I sms, wondering who can I call, wondering who would listen to my rants, wondering who would tell me interesting stuff. After scrolling through the numbers for the thrid time, I will give up and force myself into slumber.

I am lonely.

I am alone in the big city and it's stressing me out. I know that other people have worse problems than myself. Some of the people from my batch have to go through worse training and treatment in their respective stations and I probably do no have the right to complain about anything at all.

Yet, if only I have someone to talk to freely, at any convenient time... that would alleviate my pain so much...