I miss you.

I miss you...

as i turn the dial on my padlock, drowned in the smell of smoke and morning coffee, the blaring music from my earphones, the laughter and chatter in the locker room...

as we form in line, our names called out one by one, the faint smell of dried sweat mixed with ashes from each other's gear...

as the lockers of the appliances are opened, the air filled with exhaust fumes, the red blinkers flash, my hands dirty with hydraulic oil...

I miss you...

as the weight of the air cylinder bogs me down, legs aching from climbing flights of stairs, the hoses are laid, breathing in the stuffy air of the face mask...

as i put on my molding grey training suit, hating the calisthenics, enduring the itch on my brows...

as we gather in a circle, sitting on the carpet, savouring our lunches, sharing one another's cold teas...

I miss you...

as they start to talk about their relationships, their dramatic encounters, their sexcapades...

as i try to close my eyes, but fail miserably, ending up just rolling around in my sweaty shirt...

as i go through my seemingly never ending inbox, deleting and deleting, filtering the junk...

as i stare blankly at my paperwork, wondering why some people won't carry out things that they are supposed to...

as i lift the weights in gym, my reflection staring back at me, the all too familiar smell of air-conditioning and sweat...

I miss you...

as the warm water falls on to my skin, the sweet scent of body foam refreshes my body...

as i breathe uneasily in the after dinner puffs, listening to the senseless banter, the smell of starch is still present on my uniform...

as i half listen to the lecture, my mind wanders, my eyelids start to droop...

as i lie in my bed staring at the white bars in the dark dormitory, trying to ignore the stuffiness, envying those who are closer to the fans...

as i set my alarm and close my eyes...

i miss you.